ILLUMINATI GIRL GANG VOL. 3

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Sarah Jean Alexander

2 poems


HOROSCOPE


If our solar system has 8 planets now

how long will I lie awake in bed today

There’s math somewhere in this question


Like, 5 cups of coffee in 2 hours

7 trips to the bathroom and an extra hole in my belt

The barista making sure I’m tipping her accordingly


I listened to a poem left in my voicemail tonight

My computer started playing music by itself

It was like magic, and sort of like hell


No, I don’t remember learning how to suck dick

I just remember not knowing how,

and then suddenly knowing how


I’m sorry I’m a bad friend

I’m sorry I’m a bad friend

I’m sorry I’m a bad friend


I read your horoscope everyday for three weeks

You should stay away from women with red hair



BURPED


I felt immense sadness tonight after watching

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

for the first time in a long time


I kept thinking things like

“that’s so me” and “I wish you had stayed” and felt confident

that I am exactly the same as everyone else in the world


Kirsten Dunst’s head to body to boob ratio

confuses the hell out of me

Everyone is just a little bit luckier than I am


I’m not a slave to anything really

Except my body hair, I guess

It sort of makes its own decisions


Remember that time our faces were really close

and you started to say something

and accidentally burped into my mouth


I looked in the mirror tonight and thought

“I don’t think I’ll ever really be happy again.

Huh, that’s sort of beautiful, isn’t it.


“No, it’s not, and don’t forget,

neither are you,

ha ha ha ha ha”




Sarah Jean Alexander is the founder/editor of Parlor and the poetry editor of Shabby Doll House. She lives in Baltimore and is in love with salt, sharing and the internet.